8 Year Anniversary + 1 Year Later
Today is the mark of our 8th Anniversary since Heather and I got married. What an 8 years it has been and more so what a year it has been. Usually, I thought I would do a nice anniversary blog post at a 10-year mark or some milestone number you often see in the card aisle at the store. However, this 8 number needs a special shout-out as it has been a year to remember.
If you asked us a year ago how our life would have unfolded in 2022, I would have laughed and internally ran away from all emotions tied to the truth about me. For years, I carried thoughts of shame and wished the gay side of me could simply go away. I overcompensated for almost everything in my life to make up for what I thought was a flaw about me. It was exhausting and I pushed through.
When I came out to Heather a year ago, I felt this huge sense of weight leave me. The person I truly adore and love; knows everything about me. It was a breath of fresh air. Was it easy? No way! It left us both shaking in uncertainty. The following days, weeks, and months held so many ups and downs. Prior to my coming out, Heather and I have perfectly lined up all our puzzle pieces together over the years of what we considered the ideal family life, life expectations, and how we viewed the world. Me coming out, felt like the puzzle in progress got thrown up in the air and we are now re-aligning all the pieces together with some new ones added in the mix. We struggled, we loved and we leaned ever more on each other.
Music is a big part of my life and how I often find the words I am trying to convey. These lyrics share how we have and continue to believe in each day and stand beside each other for tomorrow.
(Right Here, by Hilary Weeks, Track 3 on, Album, Every Step)
“I already know you're strong
You don't have to hide your tears
Even the bravest have moments of fear
And I can see beyond a day
And I believe
I believe in your tomorrow
—--
As the clouds begin to part
When the blue is breaking through
When your dreams come looking for you
You won't have to call my name no
'Cause I'll be here
I'll be standing here beside you”
Initially, Heather and I thought we would keep this to ourselves as we did not want anyone to view us any differently or feel rejected/judged by those we love. I trembled at the thought of anyone and everyone knowing this about me. But as life presented itself, naturally, we began to open up to family and then eventually my coming out letter. There are periods when things start to make sense but then something comes up and we feel uncertain all over again. It’s messy but we hope that this in-between stage is like the transformation of a butterfly. I recently learned that in order for a caterpillar to transform into a butterfly, it must become mostly “goo” before it can transform. That stage sounds really messy inside a cocoon but what emerges is really a miracle.
So those wondering, “How are we doing?”, we are currently in the “goo” stage, the in-between while we navigate our life’s puzzle. This phase also feels like the writer's block of our story.
We are still writing our story and I have been amazed at the love, strength, and faith Heather has shown. There are still lots of emotions and questions we are trying to navigate through but one thing I have learned from her is that there is never going to be a perfect time to ask, “are you doing okay?” Even in the middle of three young kids running around, playing, and being in the middle of the chaos of cleaning up PB&J off their faces we will check in with each other. Once again, the “goo” stage is very real. :)
