My name is David Cluff, and this is my story.

One morning when I was 6-years old, I woke up and any hearing I had the night before was completely gone. Were we shocked, yes! Life-changing? 100%. My world shifted.  

We came to find out that I was born with a virus called CMV (Cytomegalovirus) which played a role in my hearing loss. I started to lose a little at age 3, but then when I was 6, everything was gone overnight. My parents and I traveled all over Utah and various professionals in the country to find a cure or answers to help me hear again. After countless visits to the University of Utah Hospital, we learned about the Cochlear Implant. While learning about this new device, my family and I engaged with learning ASL and getting interpreters for my school classes. We took control of what we could at the moment. 

Six months after I lost my hearing overnight, we proceeded to get my first cochlear implant from Advanced Bionics. We looked at all the various options for what kind of cochlear implant to get but really liked the mission, technology, and style of the Advanced Binoncs processors. In October of 1999, we turned on my sound processor for the first time. I distinctly remember walking around and saying, "Mom and Dad, I can hear my footsteps again!" 

A year after getting my cochlear implant, we moved from Utah to St. Louis, Missouri for my dad's job. We found out that St. Louis has some of the best resources for the deaf and cochlear recipients. That was a tender mercy as the move and job opportunity for my dad happened very quickly. 

Around age 12, I began to notice I was not like most boys my age, and my internal battle with my sexual orientation began. I brushed it aside thinking something was wrong with me or another challenge I was to overcome. I liked guys. Between being homeschooled, church and my hearing loss journey, I kept myself busy to bury the truth about me further down. 

At the age of 13, after many years and getting to work with many audiologists, I got a new Audiologist that introduced me to the idea of getting a 2nd cochlear implant for my left ear. Up until that point, I thought it would be impossible for me to hear with both my ears using a cochlear implant. We began to explore the option of getting a 2nd cochlear implant. That journey took a year of dealing with 3 insurance denials and tests before getting the green light to get the surgery. 

During one of my last tests before the surgery date, everything came to a halt when my parents and I told my surgeon that I don't get dizzy. 

This made my surgeon very worried, and a series of tests began the following week. While not getting dizzy may feel like a superpower, it was an indicator that something was wrong. 

Just days before my surgery, I got a call from my surgeon with the test results that would potentially change my life. He proceeded to say that I have very little fluid left in my ears that is supposed to manage my vertigo/balance. They were worried that my body was holding onto that last little bit of fluid to help keep balance and walking. I remember sitting in my parent's room as I soaked all the information in. I had to make the choice to either cancel the surgery or proceed with the chance I may not walk after. While it was scary, I felt this calmness and peace that I will be okay. I told my surgeon that I wanted to keep the surgery date. 

The day came, the surgery went well, and I was able to walk out of the hospital the next day. After recovery, I underwent a few more tests to see if anything changed. To their surprise, I had pretty much no fluid in my ears and was diagnosed with Vestibular Dysfunction. My surgeon was so fascinated and dedicated a research program to learning more about Vestibular functions and how someone like me is able to walk and keep balance. For 5 years I got to be in his lab where I was doing balance tests, spinning in chairs, and walking on special mats with my eyes closed. While they learned a lot about me, I learned more about myself and how my body compensates. 

While passing as straight despite the feelings I felt deep inside, I did not dare tell anyone how I truly felt. After a church mission where I met and wrote letters to Heather for two years, who I married to in 2014. I thought I was healed but learned those feelings don't just go away. I then came out as gay to Heather in December 2021. You can read the full coming-out letter here. 

Today, we are still writing our story and taking it one day at a time.