Messy Rooms
I recently read a blog post titled, “Tidying Up My Life: A Father’s Story” and loved his shared messages. I have been following The Tidy Dad on Instagram for a bit and enjoyed his perspective and tips for keeping a tidy home and reading his blog about a tidy life. In the blog, he mentioned it will get messy before it gets tidy. I never felt such a connection to those words before. If you know me, you know I LOVE re-organizing rooms and accepting the challenge to tidy up the pantry. While our home looks tidy for the most part, my life has not felt like that.
When I came out of the closet to Heather in 2021. I felt like I was opening up the closet door that hid all my fears, anxiety, feelings, and the deeper parts of me. I imagine there are a few shelves about to break and cause a rush of chaos to fall free. While there was a certain rush of emotions as I opened up, there was a period where everything felt like it was laid out in the open but in the back room which only the two of us could access. That room was a mess. We felt like a mess. Unsure of where to even start, we would often procrastinate opening that door till we felt emotionally ready to start the tidy process. The following months we grew closer but the room was shifting. There was only so much the two of us could lift and needed extra support. That is when I opened up to my family. The room began to slowly feel more tidy but still messy.
As I began to open up more and more and eventually made my public blog post about me being gay. It felt as if I had found more messy rooms. Just like when you are in the organization project you make piles of what you are keeping, donating, or time to toss it out. I began to find myself taking mental notes of those piles in my life. Even 5 months after I publicly wrote about my experiences, I still feel like everything is a bit messy and that is OKAY. The re-organization process and tidying up take time. Sometimes I wonder if I was trying to tidy everything back to what it was before but that would be like my 6-year-old just throwing everything into his closet and hoping it all fits. Rather than blindly throwing everything back in, I am finding the right space for everything. I don’t want everything to be like what it was before to appease others or fit the mold that others expect. I want to tidy up to something better and that works better for me and my family. The messy phase can hold so many emotions and I hope that those reading this extend extra patience for anyone going through messy phases of life.
-David